Couples Counselling Edmonton | Does Couples Counselling Really Work
Many couples come into marriage with the belief that their relationship will only be easy, fun, and full of romance. They have an inherent belief that a fairy-tale relationship where there are only happy endings is how they will experience their marriage. This is fantasy and not reality. Unfortunately, when there is the existence of problems they see it is a sign of failure or at the very least confusing. This leads to all kinds of breakdowns in the relationship unless addressed. This is not what the couple signed up for. They want their happily ever after like the see in the movies or even social media.
Relationships aren’t easy
The truth is the divorce rate shows us that we all buy into the lie that relationships are easy and just naturally succeed. This is so far from reality. Two people come into a relationship with their own ways of thinking, doing things and sets of beliefs. They end up having conflict more than they expect and realize that marriage is not the fairy-tale they were led to believe.
They become hardened towards one another after conflict exhausts them and they cannot seem to correct it on their own. Couples counselling can really work to move past this stage of working hard but not getting anywhere. It may just be lack of skills in communication that cause many of the issues.
Make the Healthy Choice with your partner
When you and your significant other come in for couples therapy you are making the healthy choice. There is no shame or embarrassment in seeking advice and counsel on how to make your relationship as great as it can be. You do not have to struggle alone and isolated trying an exhaustive list of things to fix or change your relationship to make it better. These things may not even work or get you ahead in your relationship.
You may get discouraged and tired trying to solve your conflict only to succumb eventually to defeat. When you enlist help you will find you stop spinning your wheels because all you really need is the right tools and direction to make improvements. Of course, the caveat is that both partners need to be involved and interested in strengthening the relationship.
Get professional help for your marriage
The best way to get help with working through conflict and communication struggles is to work with a therapist like the ones at ReDiscover Psychology. They can help you focus on your relationship whether you are dating or married. Counselling can assist you in expressing your feelings and the problems that arise in your relationship. Two people come together and with that bring differing needs and wants.
With a therapist’s help you can learn to compromise, understand, and respect one another in your relationship. You are also made aware of the behaviours you are committing in the relationship that are leading to destruction. Every couple comes into marriage and partnership to have a healthy foundation for the decades to come. There is no magic in making that happen. It takes skills, work, vulnerability, and diligence to create that. Book A consultation with one of our therapists today.
What should you expect from Couples Counselling?
In therapy it is expected that you will uncover certain roots to the problems that keep showing up in the relationship. One or both partners may lack a sense of self. We shine a light on this in therapy to help our clients get in touch with themselves.
They are taught many skills that relate to this area. Self-soothing, relaxing, and just enjoying their own company to name a few. They learn to meet their own needs instead of relying on others to do this. The expectations are taken off the partner. When you are more self-aware it is going to help you express your feelings and wants to your partner. Communication skills are directly affected by this. We use many tried and true techniques to build your relationship into what you desire.
Different useful techniques used for couples counselling
The most effective techniques that are used in couples counselling at ReDiscover Psychology are The Gottman Method, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Interpersonal Psychotherapy, Emotion Focused Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Reality Therapy. We will discuss The Gottman Method here.
The Gottman Method is ideal for eliminating heated conversations within your communication. If you are looking to increase intimacy in your relationship then it is best to start by looking at and examining the problems underneath the conflicts in your relationship. These are often the same from couple to couple. The root can usually be traced back to a failure to express feelings, needs and differences in a way that is understood by your partner. The key to achieving true intimacy is by connecting not only physically but emotionally as well. Intimate conversations are the key to this. The goal is to always gain understanding about your partner rather than to solve anything.
What is the Gottman Method?
In using this tried-and-true method created by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, our therapists at ReDiscover help couples put into words what each partner is feeling. We work with our clients to help each one find the right words, images, and phrases to portray how they feel. The outcome is twofold; it brings a sense of calm and resolution to the body when expressed. The other added benefit is the client feels understood by their partner.
It’s not enough to just have the opportunity to say how you feel in order to be understood. Partners are engaged with one another and encouraged to ask many open-ended questions in hopes of exploring exactly how their partner feels. These questions are very laser focused and specific in hopes of getting deep understanding of one another. As a therapist our role is to help you find the right questions to ask in hopes you will gain the understanding needed to communicate effectively.
Make your partner feel heard
Validation through empathy is encouraged when discovering your partner’s feelings. You don’t have to agree on their perception of an event even if you remember it differently, but you can use empathy to validate the other’s reasoning for feeling the way they do. Using the Gottman principles, couples gain understanding of themselves as well as their partner. After therapy many feel hopeful by having stronger skills of communication in their relationship.
Contact a psychologist today
