Edmonton Psychologist | Tips for a Smooth Transition into Marriage
If you are in a relationship with someone and you are considering moving into the marriage stage, or at least you want to, you have found the right place. We are glad you came here to find some tips on how to transition into marriage as smoothly as possible. Wanda Chevrette the founder and owner of ReDiscover Psychology breaks down some especially important things for you so you can move into this next phase with as little problems or hiccups as possible as well as proper expectations.
So if you need a smooth transition into marriage, please read the following advice to learn more about what to expect and how to navigate through this new stage in your life. These tips are organized into common areas that you can start to learn more about and even apply today. Our hope at ReDiscover Psychology is for you to find that person you want to do life with, where you are on the same track, working towards goals together.
The first thing to a smooth transition into marriage is to adjust your expectations. Marriage is not a way to fix something or make you happier. If you have a child together you might believe that this is the right reason to enter marriage together. These things are not enough to guarantee a healthy marriage or even reasons to get married in the first place. There are discussions that need to happen before you get married. Find out what you both think marriage is and what you hope to achieve through it. This leads us to the next step in discovery; to find out what marriage is and what it is not.
Every relationship is different and unique
We cannot rely only on what we have been modelled by the relationships around us or what the cultural norm tells us. It is a valuable thing to meet with the professionals who have studied and have helped couples work out their relationships, so they are healthy and growing closer together. ReDiscover can help you with premarital counselling. They have the tools and knowledge to guide you in your relationship so that there are less harmful habits entering into this bond.
In premarital counselling you discover what each other thinks and feels about finances, parenting, love languages, your personality type (introvert vs extrovert) and so much more. This should be done before you enter this permanent stage in your relationship so that you are not surprised, and you adjust your expectations. It is not healthy for anyone to live in resentment or disappointment because you expected one thing but got another. Being completely surprised on who that other person really is should be discovered before getting married to them.
Something that most couples fail to do is to talk about their personal value systems. This is something Wanda Chevrette sees in most relationships as being a missed opportunity to discover and really understand the other person in the marriage or relationship. Value systems are comprised of things like how we budget our money, how we spend our time reenergizing, how we parent, or what we find important. As we discover if our values align with our potential spouse, we can understand what is negotiable and what is not.
It is important to know this before entering a permanent relationship like marriage. There is a lot of premarital work that can be done so you ensure a healthy, loving, and long-lasting relationship. On the other hand, if you are not a compatible match this will be revealed at this time before you enter marriage.
Managing Expectations To Ensure A Smooth Transition into Marriage
When you enter marriage there are expectations that arise after you say I do. When you are dating or getting to know one another in the beginning stages, you tend to have a fairy-tale idea of what your marriage will be like. You feel in bliss because you have love blinders on and once you get married those blinders come off. After five or more years of marriage, you become acutely aware of how different you are in certain areas. It is important to be discovering this as you go forward so you can work through it.
You do not have to do it alone either. The help of a counsellor is unbelievably valuable in navigating through this phase. Issues will come up and some are not solvable. Statistically 69% of them are not solvable. These can be perpetual issues that continue to come up. These issues need to be negotiated through by using a compromise approach. Each person comes into the marriage with needs and desires. There needs to be way to compromise so you both have your needs met without big eruptions of damaging conflict.
Negotiating through conflict is where every couple needs help. There are constructive ways that ReDiscover can help you work through conflict in a way that compromise is reached so that we feel fulfilled in our marriage. This all goes back to knowing your values, communicating them, and finding out ways to get on the same page with your partner in living out your shared values.
Partners should work towards the same life goals
When you have shared life goals in a marriage you work together to achieve, you are ensuring a better chance at having a successful marriage. What are the lifelong dreams you want to achieve and how does that sit with your spouse? These are things to discuss before you get married. Do you want to live by the ocean, or in the city? This is just an example, but these life goals are important things to discuss to find out how you will work together to reach them or if there will need to be compromises made along the way to grow in marriage together.
One last area to consider is rules, roles, and responsibilities in your marriage. This often pertains to parenting but it goes beyond that too. It is worth the effort and time to finding out who is responsible for paying the bills, picking up the kids and many other things in your day-to-day life. This is where negotiation and compromise are the key to a successful relationship. These are likely going to evolve too as the relationship continues.
If you need assistance to ensure a smooth transition into marriage with your partner, be sure to contact Wanda from ReDiscover Psychology.